It’s totally normal to feel apprehensive or worried about getting a divorce. It’s not something you should take lightly. However, it’s critical to make sure you aren’t overthinking it and avoiding it if it’s necessary. Are you staying together for the wrong reasons?

Is Fear Holding You Back From Starting Over?

The most common reason people really struggle with the idea of divorce comes down to fear, for many different reasons. Let’s discuss some of the biggest specific fears people considering divorce experience.

Anxiety Leads to Poor Decisions.

If you suffer from anxiety problems, you own fear of creating even more anxiety may be negatively affecting your decision making. Just as people procrastinate when anxious about failing a test, it’s easy to simply put off meeting with an attorney to avoid the stress of a divorce. Of course, this can backfire spectacularly and lead to even more anxiety when things get worse. Better to take action today than put it off until tomorrow.

Financial Fears and Dependency.

If you’re financially dependent on your spouse it can be extremely different to divorce them. You have options, and you should remember that you’re entitled to a fair share of your shared marital property. Don’t let finances keep you in an unhealthy relationship.

Shame is a Powerful Factor.

For many people, especially those in small communities or with strong religious beliefs, fear of shame is a strong motivating factor to stay together. In communities where everyone knows everyone (and all of their business) a divorce can feel shameful and embarrassing. However shame is no reason to subject yourself to continued pain.

Are You Worried About Hurting Your Kids?

A second major reason people stay married when they should not is concern for their children. A lot of people believe that getting divorced will hurt their kids more than staying together, or will make it more likely that they have future relationship problems. However, new studies are shining a light on this concern and the facts are a bit different.

Conflict Matters More Than Divorce.

When considering the long term outcomes for children of divorced parents, researchers have found that divorce is not the most important determinant. In reality, the level of conflict between parents, married or unmarried, is far more important than their marriage status. If staying together will lead to a high-conflict home, your kids will not be any better off by you staying together. It’s actually better for them if you get divorced, so long as it reduces the level of conflict.

Are You Staying Married for the Wrong Reasons?