When getting divorced, it is impossible to avoid communicating with your spouse, especially when you have kids, share a business, or require other ongoing communication. If you are trying divorce mediation, good communication is a needed for a good outcome.  There are a lot of practical reasons why communicating thoughtfully versus emotionally is good. Below are some simple tips to help improve communication with the other party.

Bad Communication Harms your Relationships.

Bad communication is corrosive to your relationships – not only with your ex, but with your children as well. Without a basic level of mutual respect, co-parenting the healthy way becomes nearly impossible. It weakens your position as a positive role model for your kids, and puts them in a high-conflict situation they aren’t ready or prepared for. In both the short and long term, bad communication will wreak havoc on your relationships.

Your Past Communication Can Be Used Against You.

On a more practical level, parents give the court text, e-mail or other social media to make the other parent look bad.  A great deal of communication between parents today takes place in the form of texts, emails and social media messages. These electronic forms of communication are very easy to save and document. Something you type in a moment of anger, and that you don’t really mean, could still be introduced in court down the road. Keep that by happening by always being respectful in your communication, taking the high road when necessary. How do you do that?

A Process for Healthy, Productive & Respectful Communication

The goal of communication with your ex should always be in the forefront of your mind when sending or replying to a message from them. What is the purpose? Am I acting out emotionally? Is my response appropriate? Often times, it is easy to feel one’s self getting defensive during a conflict or argument. Before responding, ask yourself, “Am I getting defensive? Am I lashing out?” Self-awareness is difficult, but with practice can get easier. Once you are aware when things are escalating, you can put on the brakes andt avoid the urge to lash out, even when you think it is deserved. Remember the goal of your communication, and all the bad that can come from letting it go bad.

Keep it Short and to the Point.

Avoid talking too much. Communicating with your ex during divorce should focus on sharing information and not giving commentary. The longer you talk, the higher the chance your conversation veers out of what’s appropriate. Keep it short and simple.

Remain Cordial – Be Nice.

Last, but not least, do not mistake being brief with being rude or unkind. You don’t have to act like you are best friends, but you should give your ex a basic level of kindness. There is no better way to break a cycle of escalating anger or mistrust than by showing a bit of unexpected kindness. Take the high road, and you’ll go a long way in communicating with your ex in a healthy way for you and your family.

---

Want a more affordable, healthier divorce than court litigation? Click here to learn more about the many benefits of divorce mediation.