Many couples considering divorce also consider staying together for the sake of their children. Should we stay married for the kids? Well, there are several factors and questions to consider in making this serious decision. Here’s a few considerations from our team.

Questions to Ask Yourself: What’s Driving your Decision?

You should start by determining the main reasons you want a divorce. This could be a lack of intimacy, an unfaithful spouse, feeling of appreciation, or any number of other reasons. Also consider the reasons you might want to stay together: children, but also financial stability and potentially religious convictions. Being clear about the tradeoffs will help you make a better, more informed decision. You should also factor in your safety along with that of your children. If there is physical or emotional abuse or neglect going on, you need to do what’s necessary to protect your family. Sometimes this can be hard to admit – rely on other family or friends if need be.

Are you Both Willing to Change? Is it Possible?

If you think you can stay together for your kids, it’s necessary for you to both change in some ways – the status quo is unhealthy. If you continue to argue and fight, you’ll do your children no favors by sticking together. The key is finding ways to resolve differences and manage disagreements in a healthy way. Think about the things you’d like to change in the relationship, and consider if your spouse might be willing to try. This can set the stage for a conversation about moving forward together.

What are the Cons of Staying Together?

It’s important to realize that staying together isn’t without risk. If you cannot control conflict, your kids will still suffer – the level of conflict in a home is a greater predictor of future success than divorcing parents. Furthermore, conflict can lead to emotional or psychological neglect as arguments lead to divisions that ripple out to the kids. Your children meanwhile implicitly learn from your poor parenting skills, leading to their own problems when they marry.

What are the Pros of Staying Together?

If you truly can change things with your spouse and control conflict healthily, there are many pros for staying together. Statistically, your kids will have a lower chance of divorcing themselves, or have significant emotional issues. Similarly, they’re more likely to go to college, make good relationship choices, and maintain a healthy relationship with both parents. However, it’s key to maintain a good parental relationship, or all these positives go up in smoke.

Should We Stay Married for the Kids?

In answering the question, only you and your spouse can decide. It’s important to consider why you’re getting divorce, and whether you and your spouse can change successfully. Should we stay married for the kids? Share your thoughts in a comment below!