Tips for Successful Mediation
1. Treat each other with respect.
We know how hard this one is… but we put it first because it really is so important. The power of mediation comes from empowering people to communicate and work through disagreements without devolving into contempt and disrespect for one another. While you don’t necessarily have to agree, or even like the other person in the room, mediation requires that you respect them at a basic level by listening to them and focusing on problems rather than the person. Without this respect, you likely won’t reach the preferable outcome.2. Be patient.
Understanding each other’s interests, getting past parties’ potential unrealistic expectations and working towards a place where parties can show mutual respect takes time. Often, one party may move at a slightly faster or slower rate, and that can shift as well. Rushing the process can quickly lead to disrespect, and sour the entire process. Take the cake out of the oven too soon and you’ll just get soggy dough.
3. Avoid the “Who’s Right & Who’s Wrong” Mentality
The focus in mediation should be coming to an agreement both sides can live with, not on who is right and who is wrong. While you probably do have reasons to feel wronged by the other party, determining or accounting for that isn’t the purpose of mediation. In fact, that’s what makes the litigation process so high-conflict, costly, and time-consuming. Focusing on the future, and on solutions will help you move forward more quickly, and in a healthy manner.
4. Try to push past the anger-
5. Avoid making threats-
Want a more affordable, healthier divorce than court litigation? Click here to learn more about the many benefits of divorce mediation.
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Lisa Derr
Lisa Derr is an experienced Divorce and Family Mediator with three offices in east central Wisconsin. She started the family mediation practice in 1995. Lisa earned her BA in psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1984 in four years despite a serious car accident that involved a 2-month hospital stay. She began practicing law in 1987. For the first 8 years of her career, Lisa litigated personal injury and divorce cases. But she was frustrated with the tremendous financial and emotional cost of divorce trials. Contested hearings inhibited reconciliation and healing for thewhole family. She started the Beaver Dam divorce mediation practice in 1995 and with her partner, Cassel Villarreal, expanded to Oshkosh and West Bend ten years later.