Placement Myths & Facts Part 2
After decades in practice, we hear all kinds of misinformation about how parents share their children. If you have the wrong facts, you’re going to end up with a poor outcome. Here are four of the most common Wisconsin myths about placement schedules.
MYTH: I can sign my child up for activities during the other parent’s placement time.
Generally, both parents should decide their child’s activities. Parents need to communicate about any activity that overlaps placement. For example, before signing up, it is best to first check with the other parent. But it is important for your child to go to social events (like a birthday party) no matter which parent they are with.
At the same time, parents need to be reasonable. Children need continuity between their parental homes. It is critical to think about what is best for the children. Try not to let your relationship issues cloud your judgment. This will allow your child to have varied experiences in their community.
MYTH: I am remarried so I should have more placement time because my spouse can help with childcare.
This myth is pervasive. Some feel that if the spouse can help, they should have the child much more. But Wisconsin wants to maximize the time with each parent. The court will not favor a stepparent over a parent. Unless the parents agree, a change in a parent’s marital status (remarriage or divorce) is not enough to justify a change in the schedule.
MYTH: Each parent gets 50% placement time with the children.
It is not automatic that each parent has the same amount of placement time. The court must consider many factors to decide children’s placement schedule. These are described in our FAQ’s about Child Custody. Wisconsin supports regular meaningful periods with both parents. That does not mean it is equal. To maximize time, a court will consider parents’ work schedules and how close the parents live to each other. Other factors include parents’ communication and a child’s emotional needs.
MYTH: My teenage son doesn’t have to go to his father’s home because they do not get along.
Most parents have communication/parenting issues with teenagers. It is not uncommon for a teenager to have tension in a parental relationship whether they are in an intact family or a divorced family.
All parents want to have great relationships with their children long after they are adults. Reducing the parent who is in conflict with your teenager may help in the short term. But it doesn’t help resolve the underlying relationship issues. This is especially true if the parent with more time does not support the relationship. A child and parent need to maintain a predictable schedule to work through their relationship difficulties. No one is perfect. Rather than reducing time, family counseling will lead to a better relationship in the long-term. Going to court is a last resort. Before making any major legal decisions, remember to talk to an attorney or try divorce mediation.
Lisa Derr
Lisa Derr is an experienced Divorce and Family Mediator with three offices in east central Wisconsin. She started the family mediation practice in 1995. Lisa earned her BA in psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1984 in four years despite a serious car accident that involved a 2-month hospital stay. She began practicing law in 1987. For the first 8 years of her career, Lisa litigated personal injury and divorce cases. But she was frustrated with the tremendous financial and emotional cost of divorce trials. Contested hearings inhibited reconciliation and healing for thewhole family. She started the Beaver Dam divorce mediation practice in 1995 and with her partner, Cassel Villarreal, expanded to Oshkosh and West Bend ten years later.